In arriving at a parental access schedule the concept begins with the goal of protecting and nurturing the children. The schedule should be fair to both parents and healthy for the child, who is not getting a divorce. As the adage goes: future relationships must persist despite the exacerbation of the divorce. Cutting edge mental health science teaches us that the child's ability to accommodate competing loyalties - - parents who do not like each other but who both love the child - - does not fall into place until the child is in her or his early 20s. With that in mind, divorced and separated parents in New York divorces should be steadfast in their committment to minimizing the impact of their breakup on their children. This often requires creativity for both parents to maintain meaningful relationships with the children in different households.